Love vs. Lust

Ok, so i haven't written in a while but i guess "mi vida loca" has finaly taken a turn that allows me to dedicate some time to this space, here it goes....... I decided to reflect on this little thing called love to define for myself and others how to identlfy if what you're feeling is love or lust. That's not necessarily as easy as we think it is. See many times we get into these tre-fab relationships thinking that were in love, having feelings that some of us might more clearly define as lust....the key is how to tell which one it is and what it takes to know if you truly love someone or are you simply lusting for them. Now dont get me wrong, many of us perceive lust to be connected to a sexual feeling, however, lust is generally a deep longing or wanting of something, anything, it doesnt have to be sexual. SO, how do you know when you genuinely love something versus lust for it?

Generally something that you love, you can let go of bacause you know that if it's truly yours to begin with, it will come back to you.
When you lust for something, you're not as quick to let go of it because you long for it, you want it and have no desire of letting it go for fear that you might stop feeling the pleasure that you have from getting it. Yeah, I know it sounds a little warped but dont get me wrong here, most of us think we love something or someone but the reality and point I'm trying to make here is that were merely lusting not loving most of the time. A wise man once said that true love only comes around once in a lifetime and as i sit here and ponder the proverbial question of lust vs. love I can't help but wonder..............how many times have I been in lust vs. love, well I feel the need to explore this question, although many of us are way to self absorbed to do so, however, I think you'll find that if you take a little time to ponder on it, you might be quiet surprised and more than just a bit releived to know the truth about situations you've experienced previously or are in currently and as we all know clarity is good for the SOUL folks! That being said, you know my motto, what's good for the SOUL is SMART!

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

SOMETIMES, IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO(INYOUR LIFE) BUT WHAT YOU KEEP!

So I havent blogged in awhile due to a disastrous incident with my computer but I am ever so grateful to have access to the internet from work so althought this piece is short and sweet, here goes another one of my wild thoughts......hope you enjoy it the SoulSMart way;-)

Lauryn Hill, one of my favorite singers of all time, has a line in one of her songs where she says something along the lines of "Life is not about what you throw away but what you keep" This particular line resounds to me today as I do a double take and reflect on all the people whom I've kept in my life over the years.

See, I recently went through a situation with a person whom I hold really dear to me and I've been faced with the option of having to eliminate this person from my thoughts, my life altogether....I cant really disclose the details but to make a long story short, his actions (or lack thereof) have recently caused me great pain.

SO even though it's hard to wrap your head around this without knowing the issue at hand, take it from me, it''s serious but not something I didnt think we werent strong enough to ultimately discuss, get over and move on and move forward from. If anything I felt like a healthy discussion and a little time to think through and ultimately work through the problem is what it would take to gain a resolution..... I know I sound like a rambling woman but the point I'm trying to make here is that too oftentimes, people who care about one another wind up (inadvertently) hurting each other and I wonder how folks get past the hurting stage and move forward, does that even make sense? Good, bad or indifferent, I guess we should all really consider who we choose to partner with and also develop some basic communication strategies, specifically for when unhealthey disagreements happen.....everyone's bound to go through some type of strife and/or disagreement, the true question is "how do you handle that when it happens?"

I think alot about that as I reflect on the people whom I have kept in my life over the years and those whom I've chosen not to contact again....I guess ultimately, it's important to respect a friendship and honor it enough to fight for it, albeit the costs may be great at first but what you stand to gain from a true friend is that much greater....hands down. I've learned that questioning events in your life is not good for the Soul and so therefore, I choose to wait, bid my time and let that big guy upstairs work this one out....the SoulSmart way.....because as I always say folks, what's good for the Soul is Smart......and on that note I'd also add that if you genuinely apreciate someone or even better yet, LOVE them, let them know ....cuz in life it's not about what you cop it's about what you KEEP......that's the Lauryn quote:-)

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

Reflections of my 32nd birthday

Today I turned 32 folks! YES. Another memorable year that I can tuck away in my memory of having lived fully and gracefully:-0

I guess I am genuinely grateful for all the people in my life. I realize with every year that I get older that this little thing we call life is not as uneventful as it seems sometimes. It makes me grateful for all of the collective experiences that make me who I am today…..so let’s see, I am a mother, educator, activist…that seems pretty reasonable in my book. See, most times I’m consumed with thoughts of making money and what I perceive can bring me to the next level…I wonder how many other people have the same thoughts?

As I discuss this very topic with other dear friends I realize were all seeking the same thing… a sense of fulfillment and purpose, for those of you whose parents planned it out for you, be grateful.lol! Atleast you don’t have to sit there trying to figure it all out. I wonder though, what makes the average person whole? I guess in order to feel that you have to have a genuine sense of comfort and ease with yourself…it is ok to be an average JOE, after all we can’t all be the superstars or starlets of the world, now can we? Don’t get me wrong, I am quite grateful and happy to have another year in which I breathe, live and see my young ones grow up, but it also makes me reflect on what it is that I truly want….Is that so wrong? How many of us sit here year after year trying to figure out a way instead of doing the obvious?

Is it that were all together to scared to incur more debt going back to school? Or, do you have a mortgage that keeps you stuck in place for fear that you’ll damage that beautiful thing we call credit? Well, I say, sometimes you have to just cast your fears aside and go for it! There are two types of peole on this earth, those who live their life and those who watch others living? I ask you today, which one will you choose to be? Me personally, I choose to live everyday because the one thing that is for sure guaranteed in life is CHANGE. How well you adapt to changes is what determines whether your outcome will be that which you merit and/or want. Live for today, reflect but don’t obsess about the future and everyday do one more thing to reach your ultimate destination…it’s only right! Besides you only have one life to live, be ok with what you’ve been dealt and always be stealthfull enough to think one step ahead, life will be much easier and nicer to you….that is my message on my B-DAY guys! Hope you enjoy it and remember to have a SOulSmart day!

Sending you love and hugs,

Niurka

Follow your Inner Voice and Success will follow!

Hey folks! Today I had the pleasure of reading a few excerpts of Russell Simmons’s new book “Do You” in it he talks about the idea of staying true to you and always listening to that glorious inner voice that is ever present and inherent in each and every one of us. He discusses the idea that life is best when you follow the spiritual voice inside of you and allow yourself to be guided by the most high. Instead of appealing to trends or what is popular, he merely emphasizes the fact that in order to achieve personal success one must be true to one’s self and listen to that inner godly voice that ultimately steers you to greatness. I guess the reason why it struck me so much is because Russell is merely emphasizing the obvious. Most of us are to scared of struggle to venture out and fulfill out true purpose and as I say this I’m not merely speaking to the choir, but rather speaking to myself and others like me who have a tendency to follow life trends in order to seek success. I say, ask yourself what really makes you happy, because happy thoughts, happy feelings are what ultimately make the individual feel good. How many times have you gotten a brilliant idea and not acted on it for fear that you might fail? If you’re like me…more than likely you’re afraid to follow up on your dreams and desires deeply entrenched in your heart because of fear that you’ll fail and screw your life up. Now, I know that sounds harsh but it’s the reality.

See the ancient yogis believed that enlightenment of self is key….one can only do that through a healthy assessment (non-critical) sense of self. Take time out today to read a scripture or a verse of something that is motivational, scripture that motivates you to think about what you truly want out of life. As they say, we only get one life, why not take a chance and live it the way that god intended you to do it. Now I know most people would think this idea is easier said than done but realistically it’s not as hard as we think…. It’s also important to realize that it is ok to fail….more often than not, if we try something and we fail at it, rather than badger ourselves about it, we should realize that everything is not for everybody. Everyone is not going to become a doctor or a lawyer but every person is born with something special inside of them that should be manifested in the best way possible. Although I have not fully read this book “Do you” I recommend that folks take a chance and actually read it, I’m sure we can all find something useful in it. I know that god has blessed me with some very interesting life experiences and my objective is to merely share that experience with others in the hopes that they may realize that no struggle in life is permanent, also, for folks to understand that struggle comes about when we do not follow the natural essence that is within all of us to manifest.

Granted, it’s work to look within for most of us because many of us are trained to follow rather than lead with our hearts…the idea here is simple….take some time out to think about your gifts and what god has given you and rather than follow the ratrace, be ready to spend some time doing that self discovery….if you do, it will lead you to great things and know that not everything in life has to be planned….most people stumble upon their success by accident and only those who follow that inner voice succeed and do so in great heights. So again, I urge you to take some time out today to reflect and simply “Do You” and understand that when you stay focused on your vision, everything else will follow….true in deed, for that is the law of life, I could be wrong but something inside me tells me this approach is good for the Soul ya'll, and as you know, what’s good for the Soul is Smart!

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

The Power of Appreciation: Reflecting the positive attracts all that we want and more

Today I woke up thanking god and appreciating all of the things that I do have versus what I do not….See a good friend of mine has been sending me these small excerpt phrases from the book “The Secret” and believe it or not….they are very insightful and genuinely have the power to change even the most glummest of person’s day around for the better….guess it’s all about perception. In this day and age where everyone is scared that they’ll lose their job and/or source of income….it is important to keep a level head and truly understand that happiness and prosperity begets happiness and prosperity. See to many times folks give in to what they see going on around them versus simply believing that they’re in a different position than most folks.

You’re disposition on a daily basis is key to in accomplishing this. You could be the one person in your company or department who remains employed and content, simply because of your disposition. I mean come on, people like to be around other people who bring good energy to them…period. So I guess I’ll share the quote with you…. “Appreciation for the things you have is using the law of attraction intelligently”.

Most people wallow in their misery, sad about the things that they don’t have and this in turn does not allow them to materialize more abundance in their lives. See when you appreciate what you have and/or the position that you’re in…that sense of gratitude alone attracts more good and positive things to you. It is good to feel good, remember the old VIDAL SASSOON commercial, when you feel good, you look good, and we all know that folks love other folks that make them feel good, it’s only right, so as I sign off today let me just say this….if you’re one of those chronic criticizers of self….STOP THAT, STOP THAT TODAY and honor yourself for the beautiful, amazing, resilient person that you are today and remember GOD don’t make no junk!

Feel good for your own sake and for that of those around you, it’s better to be a beacon of hope, strength and love always, than to be sad, gloomy or thinking negative thoughts…for we attract what we put out…Happy thoughts guys, they’re good for the Soul and as you know , what’s good for the SOUL is SMART!

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

A letter to every resilient person out there...not just Tyler Perry

O.K. folks, so I was online yesterday and I went onto Tyler Perry's website and left him a letter.. and I want to share it with you because I realized this letter should be dedicated, not just to him, but to every resilient black person out there who has overcome against all odds and consistently kept things moving forward through the grace of our good lord...here it goes:



Senor Perry,



I first want to begin by saying thank you for being who you are and doing what you do. I'm sure you get that alot nowadays but I must say your work is truly an inspiration and a testament to all that can be done when you put your mind to it and walk on faith. See, I was living in New York city not to long ago and I had the pleasure of attending a movie premier with DV republic where you spoke. You know what strikes me the most about you? It's your humility and frankness, in spanish we call that "humildez" it's beautiful to see a portly beautiful man like yourself carry yourself with such dignity and pride, particularly after everything that you have experienced.



You know, Tyler, not many people understand the notion of strenght and perseverance, the beauty of rising from your own ashes time and gain. The easy way in which you are able to share your stories of trauma and yet paint them in such a beautiful, humorous light are revealing of a man who has clear CHARACHTER and LOVE in abundance, may God always continue to bless you. Promise me, please, that you will continue to radiate that beautiful aspect of what black life in America is, for, were it not for you, many people would never be able to understand just how truly original our story of struggle as a people genuinely is.



I am a first generation afro-dominican and my parents experience in this country has been quite a miraculous one filled with many twists and turns but yet we continue to persevere despite the myriad of obstacles weve encountered.....would you ever guess by the way that I articulate that I am a 31 year old single mother of teenagers who attend Boston Latin School (top 25 schools in the country) ,whose first two children were born to her by the age of seventeen....trust me when most people see me they cant beleive it. I realize that appearance isnt everything and that the grace of God is good Tyler, may the lord continue to bless you and keep you, I can only hope that someday I may be blessed enought to tell my families story in the way that you have done.



Trust me! The plight of dark skinned hispanics in this country is a complex one as well, but anywho, God love you and keep you and thank you for being such an inspiration! I've been thinking alot about your most recent blog posting around grabbing a dream and holding onto it by faith.....Soul-smart is my dream Tyler, I want to tell stories that are good for the Soul because what's good for the Soul is Smart, it's what got me through college and has helped me pave the way for my siblings and my children...I'm keeping your message close to my heart and I only hope you dont steal my brand....if wishful thinking would have it perhaps you might actually reach out to me and talk a little more about my vision, but that would be presumptious and thats not why I left you this message, I simply wanted to acknowledge you today.....Thank you for being you Tyler Perry, you give this young woman courage to keep moving forward despite life's ills.



Sending you Hugs and Love,



Niurka LeBron

Slow Down……Success is around the Corner

Last night I was in the car with a loved one who is notorious for driving way too fast. We were driving from my moms house to mine and honestly it could’ve been a 10 minute trip, but my beautiful sibling likes to do things quickly so he got me home in about 5 minutes (which is virtually unheard of). In the misdt of him driving me home, the inevitable happened…..he ran a red light (did a stop and roll as we like to call it) and the police pulled the vehicle over. Now, granted when we got stopped, he realized he ran the light but he didn’t do it on purpose. Rather, it was an impulsive move because he really wanted to get me to my destination and move on with the rest of his evening..ie. watching the last quarter of the superbowl. Luckily we were stopped by a local cop, who obviously realized my brother was not being malicious in his driving, he simply was not being cautious and he was obviously in a rush. I guess the larger implication of all of this is that it really got me thinking about how fast paced we move in this day and age.

It seems like everybody is always rushing impulsively to get to the next thing, disregarding all red lights (flags that we may get in the form of life experiences). We tend to forget to just stop and reflect on what were really doing. Today’s message is not a long one, just a simple one….. if success is what we really want then we need to slow down and reflect on our actions a little more. Doing so would probably allow us to live better and really focus on the little things that are important in life and also brings us a little more joy. You know, too often I hear my friends talking about what they have to do next while they’re already juggling a myriad of projects at once in the hopes of attaining some sense of security.

I’m sure many of you know a few people who have multiple degrees and still don’t know or really have a sense of what they’re truly doing. I guess in hindsight, I’m speaking for myself and others like me whom I consistently come in contact with who continue to move fast in the hopes of attaining some instant gratitude and/or sense of accomplishment. The reality is that if we just stop for a second, slow it down a little and really watch for the signs that tell us when to make the right turns then we’ll all be less apt to get stopped by obstacles. See, when you slow down, you see things clearer and then get a much better understanding about the path that the almighty creator is designing for you….if I cant stress enough to all of you who are consistently doing, doing, doing…..slow down and smell the roses a bit, reflect and meditate on the turns you want to take in life (the choices you make) and you’ll see how the creator will open doors unforeseen to you when you were moving to quickly.

Trust me….it will give you piece of mind too and lord knows we all need that, it’s a Soul Smart thing to do you know….so in homage to one of my all time hip-hop favorites ….take heed to the words of the Grand Puba and “SLOW DOWN”. Success is not going anywhere, it will always be there for the taking but you won’t see it unless you take time out to figure it out.

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

What’s REALLY Important…….Family Values?

Alright folks, I know this is a pretty loaded topic for many….but today I want to talk about family values and why they matter. See, I’m a first generation Dominican, my parents emigrated to the states way back in the 70’s to make a better life for themselves and their respective families, in the hopes of better opportunities. What they found is a country where the notion of family is rarely valued or cherished and the only thing that is valued is hard work! Lot’s of it, and if you ARE educated and you work 12-14 hours a day you ARE guaranteed to BE somebody (by American standards any way). Oh! and screw that your kids ARE raising themselves, because the idea is that if you’re not savvy or paid enough to hire a nanny, Oh well, sucks to be you and such is life!

Now, I’m not rebuking the American dream of apple pie at all, just simply noting how much families are asked to sacrifice their very set of ideals and expectations on the strength of achieving the American dream. Wondering if it all makes sense you know…..so let’s do a comparison…..back home meaning the Dominican Republic; if a parent wants to study and advance in profession then there is always a good abuela/abuelo or “mama and papa” who clearly understands that their job is to hold down the fort so the family can prosper. Here in the states, grandma and grandpa (if there is one) usually have three jobs just to make ends meet. Back home, folks take a break mid-day to have lunch at home, one could only dream of doing such a thing here! Most families are lucky if everyone’s home at the same time and lord knows, most people simply sit down to watch a meal by the tv with no form of family interaction, unless a parent is ready to admonish or criticize their kids for something else they haven’t done right. Anybody see anything wrong with this picture?

Now, in the land of milk and honey, which is what this country proclaims itself to be, one mst oftentimes wonder…..what gets lost in the process of seeking success here? I mean for Christ sakes, does anyone wonder why American teenagers are that much more succeptible to do drugs and perform at a mediocre pace acamically and socially? It oftentimes amazes me to see how suburban parents gloat over what school they’ve enrolled their children in or what new accomplishment their child has conjured up next…..it’s almost as if they need that to validate the long hours they work to sustain a fictitious lifestyle where their kids are being raised by total strangers most of the time. So I reiterate the question……Where are the family values that were so deeply and richly woven into the fabric of family?

Why is it that all of a sudden financial and social gain has become more important to the individual than the idea of legacy and culture? Or is it simply that I’m being a sinic? Don’t know, but the more I begin to analyze it, I don’t know of one single person who is not slightly resentful of that time that they’ve lost with their parents. I know for the average working family, so much time is lost seeking personal gain…makes me wonder if it’s at all worth it? But as most people know, it is easier to feel good about the material possessions one has than to explore deeper and clearly retract what has been lost over such a long peiod of time. But lets not forget that were all creatures of habit and nature now…so ideally suck it up and deal with it! It’s AMERICA!

Imagine if there were actually such a thing as compromise, where couples were not so emotionally attached to wealth and this idea of prosperity that they could actually come home to each other and their families and be happy that this is the case, rather than running out to the next networking event.....I cant help but think that family time is what nourishes my soul and you know guys, whats good for the SOUL is SMART! Just think about it, is the ratrace really worth it?

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

Think BIG(er)…..a lesson on ambiguity

So, I went to see the movie BIG this weekend and lord knows it left a heck of an impression on me. If you don’t know the movie I’m referencing, then you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog today because trust me, you’d have to be a “Biggie” fan to even begin to understand the content I’m about to put forth…….so for all my people who genuinely loved BIG, this column’s for you today. Now for starters, loved the movie! For sure! I though it was a very insightful portrayal of a young man who rose to superstardom against all odds and did not even have an opportunity to enjoy it. Hence, I urge you to indulge with me for a bit while I discuss the highlights of the film that kept me thinking all weekend……Now, I’m sure many of us who followed this rapper may have had a completely different perception of who this young man was before the movie. What strikes me the most is the intensity of all that he had to deal with, particularly around women.

Big-Ups to Lil’Kim because as often as she’s been portrayed as this harlot, sex-crazed fiend, in the movie a very different side of her is portrayed…..she’s presented as this really nice
girl turned bad by her “manager” because sex sells…..hmmmmm…I wonder how much of that story is truth or fiction. See many of us actually liked Kim because we always understood her to be a “take no shit” kind of girl who was about making money 24/7. The downside though is that she always portrays herself as somewhat crazy and a hell of a lot promiscuous.….. I mean, is it just me or does anyone feel like it was a little confusing to see her portrayed as a victim or so damn innocent….wonder how much she had to do with the actual production of this flick because I’VE HEARD SOME PRETTY INTENSE “STORIES” ABOUT HER (lol). But for real, if this is the real KIM, then, thank you Voletta for letting us see that!

Now Faith on the other hand, was something to ponder on, I’m sitting in the movie theatre in awe because I didn’t realize that first off, her and BIG had only been married for about 3 months when she recorded “I remember”. I mean, lord knows, I’m sitting there like O.k., from the sound of that song, the average woman would’ve assumed she was talking about someone she had been with for years! I was laughing like , FAY, you’ve known this dude for a split second and you’re writing songs like he owed you an eternity, FOR WHAT! But on another note, if her love for BIG was as true as she made it out to be in the many interviews I’ve read about them (from her viewpoint, of course) then I guess there’s something to be said for “true love”. BUT, from what I understand….she divulges the fact that she did cheat on him during their short marriage with an NBA player in her recent book and that to me only confirms my disbelief in her “so called” love for him.

A wise woman knows that the kind of love that FAITH sung about is one that endures and withstands all, strengthening a relationship over time through love, compassion and endurance which eventually evolves into something meaningful and long-lasting. Her music reflects this understanding which is why I related to her back then and genuinely liked her music. The upshot to this though is that if she was jumping hoops because her man hadn’touched her in a while……I fear to say she’s got some issues (lol)!

I guess the most real part comes out with the depiction of his baby’s mother, who loved him from the start, for who he was, not what he became, albeit, she is the rpitome of "baby mama". Sucks that she continually got the shoddy shoulder for two really physically beautiful AND HYPER-SUCCESSFUL women. Awkward right? But I guess it really begs the question: What is it that attracts the average man? See, if a brother is just an average Joe, a sister has to be like some superstar in some kind of way to merit a consideration for marriage, at least in the black community. I could be totally wrong, but from what I see, black men will have a great time with a regular around the way “shortie” as they like to call them, but will seriously hesitate to take a solid sister seriously because she’s not excessively beautiful or successful, it’s all kind of fickle if you ask me. But then again, this is the world we live in, where black people put on airs all day long and pretend that the black bourgeoisie actually exists when in reality it’s all a farce. Why cant folks just simply be comfortable around each other and be ok with the fact that , GOD has made us all perfect being exactly who we are. (Yeah,right!)

I thought this excerpt was going to be about BIG but the reality is there’s not much I can say about the man that we don’t already know. He was fabulous in his own way and modeled for young people the idea that you can make it in music despite all the odds…I wonder though, would his life had been different if he would’ve just stuck with the one woman who did actually keep it real with him, rather than going for the glitter and sex appeal… I’m talking about Jane, who clearly looks like she held down the fort but was never rightly acknowledged, or am I simply going to deep with this?.... a good friend of mine says I have a tendency to do that (lol). It would seem to me that a brother would want to get with a sister who demonstrates true love and can still hold her own, I mean hey, jANE DIDNT EXACTLY HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER SO I CANT REALLY USE HER AS AN EXAMPLE, it’s not her fault she was never taught to demand things the same way the bourgeoisie woman knows how to do so well……like they say, every good man has a good woman behind him….just look at Barak!Maybe BIG should've exed all these girls altogether and found him a nice corporate chick (lol).

Hands down, I did shed a tear for my DUDE because at the end of the day…..were always going to love BIG POPPA, just wish he would’ve picked smart with his heart …..maybe it would’ve unburdened his soul you know…… Lord knows, the ambiguity and ambivalence that he underwent, damn near killed him! We all know that it’s better to go that route than to play yourself to please others…….because in the end you got to do what’s right for your soul you know! And as I always say…….what’s good for the Soul is Smart people, you know I had to throw that in there, (smile)!

Sending you Hugs and Love,
Niurka

YES WE CAN!....the 43rd Inauguration and what it implies for all

Watching the inauguration has got to be the single, most proud moment of my life! I saw our president –elect get sworn in today and I must say it was definitely a relief to say the least. I was standing in a crowd of anxious Massachusetts politicians, watching the Inauguration…I brought my gorgeous clan along for the proud moment because I wanted to share it with them….as unfortunate as it seems, the only thing I kept thinking about was “Lord please don’t let him get shot!” I know this sounds insane but at a time when people need the most hope I’m glad to know that finally history has allowed an honorable black man to take a stand against all that plagues us as a society and truly receive the title of an office that will ultimately enable him to make change at a global scale. My little boy Robert, who is only 7 seven years old, asked me after the ceremony, “Wow mom! Is Barak Obama really our president? With pride in my eyes I gratefully thanked the lord that I could actually say “yes son, he is!”

See, the media has continuously plagued the general public with images of great leaders being shot down and I’m both proud and relieved that this time history has been allowed to take its course. I don’t think I need to remind you of the countless leaders who’ve attempted to take on these high profile positions , only to be murdered aimlessly (Bobbie Kennedy, Malcolm X, MLK and JFK, to name a few)which in turn, has only served the purpose of inculcating unbeknownst fears amongst many to dare follow suit.

This is a proud moment in history for humanity and I say this with my heart swelling with tenderness and joy knowing that once again my children can think about aspiring to something greater in the political/activist realm without the fear that their lives will be taken away. I speak as a proud mom of three amazing children whom may one day actually have the opportunity to seriously consider a career in public service without the threat that their lives will be taken for reaching up to something greater. YES WE CAN and YES WE DID; those are the phrases that I saw most on the national sphere of things and as Michelle Obama was utterly rebuked for saying…..I’m actually proud to be American today. I could be wrong but I don’t think there is one single “minority “who does not feel the same way. For too long we’ve had the notion that we can’t speak out against injustice and/or use our collective intelligence to contribute towards solving the ills that plague us as a country. This has been a notion completely unembraced and disregarded by many for the sake of a genuine fear that they might have to sacrifice their very existence and lord knows, nobody wants to have their life “taken”.

Now, I could be totally wrong about this and perhaps you may think that my take on this is a bit extreme, but at the end of the day….I’ve listened to my children(including the many students I’ve taught over the years ) say things like, “you cant say that or you’ll be shot” or “No, people who care cant run for public office because if they speak out they’ll be shot”. I feel like Obama being sworn in will ultimately show the children of this globe that GOD does prevail, that GOOD does ultimately prevail. He is a proud example of all that can be accomplished when one applies themselves with purpose and today I send a prayer and a hope for blessings to be showered upon all those that have illuminated Barak and Michelle’s path along the way (know this is a team effort, it’s not just him doing all this work). There are certain things that must be revered and remembered, the 43rd Inauguration is one of them.

You know, when we got home, my daughter Bobbie keenly remarked “ I feel like today should be a national holiday” I agree with her. I believe people should be allowed to remember what is possible. Like Barak said…..60 years ago, his father may not have been able to eat in a restaurant of his choice but despite that he persevered by educating himself and passing on the value of that education to his son who has now taken the torch and risen up to be the head of state of one of the most powerful nations in the world! Thank You for persevering President Obama, the world can’t wait to see all that you will do! It’s evident that this man has spoken out and WORKED HARD TO SECURE a position to make change because it’s the right thing to do and lord knows that’s good for the soul……and as we all know folks, What’s Good for the SOUL is SMART!

Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka

Self Deprivation.....let's explore it for a sec!

O.K. So last night I had the pleasure of engaging in a some "insightful" conversation with my two teenagers.....context: I have three children, two of whom are teenagers. they consider themselves to be my junior therapists as I had them very young and have raised them to have alot of input in my day to day life (which is not pretty normal for most parents, but I'm not your average anything, so this should not come as a surprise) See there I go again, being arrogant, I may need to re-read my humility blog, but anywho......My little consultants were teasing me last night because I've been on a fast for the last 13 days. I made a promise at my church that I would fast in solidarity with the other members in the hopes that my faith would be strengthened and my life's purpose might become a little more clear to me. I also have had this overwhelming feeling to get closer to the big guy upstairs and so why not starve myself a little to get there?

Sound a little quirky? Well, basically my kids think that all churches are cults and they see this fasting thing as just another way churches show their power (I made the drastic mistake of telling them that this is a nationwide thing (lol); apparently alot of churches are doing this 21 day fast, not just us). At any rate, my daughter asked me why I was doing it and I told her that I felt like I needed discipline......she retorted, "wow mom, of all the people who need discipline, don't think it's you.....I mean personally I think the only people who need to fast are the sinners, they're the only people who feel like they need to cleanse, what a cop out!" I looked at her in complete shock, but then I realized, gee, this girl just had an epiphany, I mean really, the main reason why churches have so much power over people is because they have a genuine way of making you feel guilty about being a normal human person who makes mistakes, most folks who go to these places of worship rarely do so because they genuinely love god, more so they do it to feel validated, political,social connections and/or cleansing as my daughter so keenly put.

What she said, particularly about the "sinner" factor, really made me think. See I consistently go without alot for the sake of giving someone else happiness or joy,I also watch many of my friends do the same. I could be totally wrong, but in my view, what it boils down to is this idea of validation, it seems that most people who aim to please get a genuine sense of satisfaction from others, but then there are those great many whom simply do the right thing because they are seeking for someone whom will pat them on the back for what they've done. I cant help but think that it's something that should be explored a little further. See most successful people frequently do for themselves and only them.....they rarely do for others because they truly understand the power of rewarding themselves, albeit at an extreme sometimes, but they reward themselves for everything, even the little things.

Today I'm realizing that self denial is a thing that most people do because their whole lives they go through it having to please someone. I wonder how much of this we learn in our childhood interactions? See many of us are raised by parents who expect us to do well all the time and chastise us heavily for not measuring up. I know this is starting to sound like a pity party but it's really not....I just want you to really think about it, if you're the type of person who pleases others all the time and deny yourself simple pleasures, think about why you do that. Most times, when people dont reach the expectations that others have set for them and feel like they don't measure up they overcompensate by being extremely "good". Now, you may not fall into this category, but if you do, I urge you to explore it because there's something to be said for that.......take a little time today and reflect, have you been good to yourself today, this week or this year? if not, take a moment to plan something or indulge in a rare treat that you might not other wise, it's good for the soul man! Like NIKE, just do it! because it's a SoulSmart thing to do and never forget, What's good for the Soul is Smart!

Sending you many hugs and love,

Niurka

Hey! That’s MY spot, not yours! An observation on humility or lack thereof

O.K. so I thought that I was a pretty humble person filled with humility until a few hours ago when I had very rude awakening (lol). To make a long story short, the owner above my unit has decided to rent his place to what I deem to be a really nice couple, I haven’t even formally met them yet but last night I certainly made a rude introduction, to say the least. I own a condo in a pseudo-prestigious area of Dorchester called Adams Village. Now, I take a great deal of pride in the fact that I am a 31 year old homeowner AND many of my friends have no children and still are unable to even think of purchasing their own homes….see there I go again, being arrogant:-) but the reality is that I pride myself in this fact. Like many will say, I worked damn hard to get what I have and the end of the day, I guess it really peeves me for anyone to do so much as think that they can question me regarding anything concerning my small piece of property.

A friend was visiting me last night and customarily, when anyone comes to visit, they have the luxury of parking in a parking spot that I proudly OWN. Apparently the new neighbors were under the impression that my parking spot was theirs so as my friend was heading out, they made a smart remark to him, implying that he should not park there. I quickly rushed upstairs to “clarify” the situation. Without introducing myself, I questioned my new neighbors regarding their claim. I told the young man that he was mistaken and that I am an owner, therefore I did not have to communicate anything to him directly, rather, I’d speak with his landlord directly to clarify the discrepancy. When he told me that the spot had no number on it and that this was the source of his confusion, I looked at him as though he had three heads and commenced to re-explain how the parking spots had been reassigned and that he was grossly mistaken.

To put it bluntly, I was not very nice and my tone was pretty darn arrogant. Quite frankly, had I been this man….I would not have wanted to carry on a conversation in the way I was addressing him. Come to think of it, he said something to the effect of, we’ll have to call the landlord and clear this up and I followed up by saying….”I believe I just made it clear for you”. Now, let’s examine this for a second….I don’t even know these people and they are new to the building, how would they know which spot is theirs. Especially if their landlord mistakenly gave them misinformation. Rather than taking these matters into consideration, I let my arrogance and pride get the best of me and the only point I wanted to make to this man was that I was right and he was wrong. I guess I now feel a genuine disdain for my new neighbors and I don’t even know them yet! I wonder, what made me react so rudely towards these people? Is it the fact that I know I pay a certain percentage of my mortgage towards the maintenance of this parking spot, and therefore feel entitled to treat others rudely if they dare challenge or question my position? It’s definitely worth thinking about.

A few minutes after I ended the conversation with my new neighbors… I went outside to check my spot….I wanted to make sure that there was clarity as to whose spot it was, simply to reassure myself that I was right and my neighbor is wrong, I realized that at some point the number sticker , which is assigned to each spot had been removed ; clearly had I asked a few more questions rather than abruptly addressing him to correct the issue, I would have been able to communicate that this was a simple matter which could quickly be clarified by having the condo association re-label my spot so that there is no confusion. In hindsight, I guess I feel a little bad about the way I spoke to the young man in particular, but the reality is that when I first addressed him, he was not very nice; that simply made me want to reinforce my authority over my space.

I wonder what makes us react in that way? Was I wrong in exerting my authority over my little piece of property? I wonder if I he’d been a bit more humble would my approach have been different? Clearly, there’s a lot more that can be gotten with honey rather than salt। It’s not like I even feel good about having been so blunt and direct, rather I feel a little shallow because I know I can do better. Realistically though, how would you feel if someone were trying to use something of yours without your permission? The bottom line is that had he exercised a little humility from the onset and asked, rather than assuming that the spot was his, I probably would not have responded in the manner in which I did. I know have a good mind to call his landlord and clarify this mess, I even thought that maybe his landlord purposefully removed my sticker posting with the number to my spot in order to market his place a little better…॥an idea that is quite preposterous once you come to think of it….but I feel so strongly about being challenged that I would not put it past him. I ask the question, was my reaction wrong or am I right in having been cold and direct about the fact that he could not park in my space? ……Or is it simply human nature to go for the jugular, so to speak, when something you value is threatened?

In the end I wound up writting my neighbor a short note apologizing for my behavior and letting him know I will follow up in the morning.....I did this because I know it's the right thing to do and lord knows it's not good to hold grudges against people you dont even now for goodness sake! But boy did it feel goood to exert my little bit of authority, even if for a second(lol)......
let me know what you think........ and remember "What's good for the Soul is Smart! let's see what little piece of humility you can exercise today:-)


Sending you Hugs and Love,

Niurka